May we all come to know the Great Love Within us,
May we all be blessed with discovering our Inner Lover,
May we all be blessed with sharing our Love with one another in each and every experience.
A man I Love, my lover and beloved, took a new woman to his bed. The next morning he told me, he is across the sea and our communication is all text.
In response I had emotional waves of pain mingled with something like ecstasy wash over me. Tears came and then laughter to.
It was not unexpected to me that he would take a lover, but how I would respond has always been unknown to me. As I felt the waves wash over me I was amazed at how much pain was there, even though in my mind I was happy, delighted in fact, that he was sharing his love and sexuality with someone. I was unclear what the pain was.
I moved through different experiences that evening, including touching the edges of fear and panic.
This morning I woke, and very delicately I probed into my inner landscape. What I found was a very clear channel in my space. When I felt this clear channel it felt like I had cleared something that runs through my maternal lineage. I am not clear why I know this, other than that was how it identified itself.
I believe the pain that was so powerfully washing through me was the Betrayal pain, which may be the most core wound in all the feminine collective. This is an old old would. A deep deep wound. It spans time. And it is ready to be healed.
And how to heal a wound such as this?
A lot of maturity, a lot of ‘showing up’,
and I guess we start by being willing.
When I was feeling the pain wash through my body the little girl in me was asking for reassurance. She wanted this man to tell her he loved her and he would not leave her, most of all she wanted to be told ‘she was lovable’. Perhaps the reason the betrayal wound is so immense is because it bounded back into woman – underneath ‘you betrayed me’ lays ‘I am unworthy of love / deserving of betrayal’ – this creates a feedback loop inside a woman as she consistently reaffirms it to herself and seeks to validate this through her experiences in the world.
I feel one of the biggest steps I made yesterday was taking the little girl by the hand myself, being her reassurance, instead of letting her look outside for validation I kept her with me, held, loved, and felt.
The other key to this great unraveling is how a man shows up.
There is wounding in the masculine collective in balance to this.
When woman feels betrayed she will rage and/or withhold her love. And when a woman’s love is withheld from a man his purpose looses meaning, he dries up inside, realises his kingdom means nothing without Her, without She.
The fear of the feminine deserting him (or cutting off his head) has lead to hiding of his truth and integrity. Blaming her for her emotional responses and making her wrong are all reactions I have seen widely distributed in an effort for the masculine to feel justified in his actions.
The truth is he needs no justification, for he is Free to follow his Truth.
What he needs to show up with at this time on the planet, in this Great Opening, is to hold clear integrity and honesty to his Truth and, at the same time, maintain his ability to stay with the woman he loves in her pain, in her furry. If I man can stay, solid and real, without panic, showing love for the woman he is with regardless of what she does or how she tries to destroy him. She will begin to relax, to unwind, for if he stays by her side no matter what or who she becomes, then she will know she is worthy of Love, and once she knows she is worthy of Love, she will begin to give it to herself.